Regrets
by binkii822
Summary: The beginnings of arousal stirred within her, breathing becoming shallower. She was angry with herself, with her body for betraying her like this. Post "Into the Fire" follows "Night Musings" Sam/Jack


Sam knew who she'd find even before she even opened the door, understanding that he'd show up this evening. He had been as shaken by what had happened on their last mission as she had. Whenever things went south, were particularly stressful, awful, or dangerous, they usually ended up at either his house or hers, almost always joined by Teal'c or Daniel, but every now and then alone. They'd drink beer, eat pizza, and watch stupid movies, anything normal; needing to be grounded once again in the everyday world, to escape the chaos and danger they dealt with day after day. But as she let him in, muttering some sort of greeting and beginning to turn toward her kitchen to offer him that standard beer, he drew her close to him, wrapping his arms around her.

"I...just...give me just a minute" he muttered, laying his face against her neck. She turned to face him, running her hands up his back, returning the embrace. "I thought...all I could think of when they told me..."

"I know." There had been close calls before, too many to even count, but today had been exceptionally awful. They stood that way for a moment, holding each other, caught up in the storm of feelings; needing the physical connection to let them know this was real, they were both safe, alive.

Bit by bit the tension they had been feeling started to change. Arms pulled each other just a little closer, and Sam slowly felt herself became aware of his body pressed against her, his breath against her skin, that unbelievable smell that was all Jack. The beginnings of arousal stirred within her, breathing becoming shallower. She was angry with herself, with her body for betraying her like this. She was not supposed to feel this way.

Her emotions ran wild, and she struggled to bring herself back under control. She began to move away, struggling to come up with some flippant remark to break the tension. Instead, she felt him shift slightly, pulling her even more tightly against him, nuzzling her neck. Suddenly she was very conscious of his arousal pressing into her. She pulled back slightly, gazing into Jack's face, startled by the desperate expression she found there. "Sir?"

"Don't call me that," he breathed, voice abrasive, leaning in and kissing her. It was frantic, not the gentle brushing of lips one would expect from a first kiss, but instead hot, hungry, completely out of control. Sam hesitated for only a moment before responding with equal urgency, tongue meeting his, thrust for thrust. She was sliding her hands beneath his shirt, needing to feel his skin. His hands were everywhere, first in her hair, then passionately stroking her breasts, and cupping her bottom, pushing his erection against her. He kissed his way down her neck, slipping her shirt up out of the way, roughly taking her nipples in his mouth, moaning. They were yanking at each other's clothes, rushing, frenzied; her leg wrapped around him and suddenly he was inside her, fast and hard, it was so amazing. She pulled his head back down, kissing him as she began to explode, feeling him follow behind her.

They stood there, panting, still leaning on each other, clothes just shoved out of the way, not even removed. Sam almost felt him begin to withdraw into himself, and when she looked up, self-loathing filled his eyes, replacing the desire. Panic and sadness filled her. Jack stepped away, gently brushing her cheek with his hand, bending and straightening her clothing, fixing his own. He leaned slightly closer, his forehead touching hers. As he drew in a breath to speak, she cut him off.

"Don't you dare apologize and start taking the blame for this. I am not the kind of person that allows choices to be made for her. Do not go there."

"I want to take you to bed, make love to you all night; fall asleep with you in my arms. Wake up and do it again, Carter. You deserved more than to be shoved against the wall and manhandled...by your superior officer. Oh, God." Jack ran his hands through his hair and pulling in exasperation. "I should be - "

"I told you not to go there. I made a choice; we did this together, not just you, don't belittle that."

"We can't - I have to go. What do we...how do we..." He spun away, pacing toward her door, looking back over his shoulder, longing filling his eyes.

"We deal, and we work, and save the world, and let it go. We don't have any choice, sir," with her words, redrawing the line that still stood between them. Sam fought back the tears that threatened to fall, knowing that would break this even more completely. She was not that kind of person either.

He started to open the door, paused, and turned back, quickly crossing the distance to her, drawing her back into his arms and kissing her. Hotly, deeply, but then regaining some measure of control, lips lingering for only a moment. He broke away, walked to her door and left.

Sam stood there, hand coming to her lips, waiting, making sure he wasn't coming back. Then she walked to her couch, sank down onto it, and lowered her head to her hands.

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A/N: Everything written only happens with the assistance of the most awesome Mrs. Pollifax


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